she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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