i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
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