My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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