She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Randomize
