Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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