Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
If everything else in my life fails, at least I just had one of my top orgasms
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
