Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
