I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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