I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
