The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
