My pussy is not your playground.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
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