where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
My dick has a subreddit
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Randomize
