that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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