So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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