a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
