PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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