First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
My underwear smells like fireworks.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Randomize
