we're blogging at a bar
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
