I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
