did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Randomize
