I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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