if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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