So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
Randomize
