i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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