you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
Be still, my beating vagina.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
