Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
