Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
