No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
Randomize
