i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You're like the curious george of whores
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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