I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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