there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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