Need sex. Gaining weight.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
