Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
We've cranked the heat for blizzard versions of all of our strip games. Come over.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
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