I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
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