Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
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