Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
