I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
How naked do you want me to be?
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