At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I don't deserve a penis
my human sexuality class is the only class where the porn i watch the night before is relevant to the discussion the next day
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
Randomize
