somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
