i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The power of my boobs compel you
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
