it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
this boner is exhausting
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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