I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Randomize
