friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
