I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
