I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
