ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
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