Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
This bird just went for my eyes. Does he think I'm dead???
Why is there bacon in the couch?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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