I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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