So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
