why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
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