She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
After what I experienced at 6am this morning, all I can say is chew your noodles thoroughly.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
Randomize
