If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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